Can we talk about something else?

For 5+ years, my life has not been my own.  My life has been consumed by a new identity.

I am no longer a teacher.

I am no longer a friend.

I am no longer a daughter.

I am no longer a wife.


No. Instead, I am the infertile girl.  And that is all anyone sees.

Or at least that’s how it feels most days.

I am blessed with an army of extremely supportive friends and family.  I have a never-ending web of prayers being sent my way at all times.  We have chosen to share our journey with our friends and family, and they in turn share with their friends, and so on and so forth.  The ripple effect is never-ending and the support never ceases to amaze me.  For this, I am eternally grateful.

Because we have been open about our journey, people know how important having children is to us.  They know how it weighs on our hearts.  They want to ease our pain.  Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot anyone can do for us, except offer prayers and a listening ear when we need it.

As a result, EVERY SINGLE conversation we have with people eventually leads to the topic of our infertility and adoption journey.  I know people want to offer words of encouragement or share an uplifting story.  I also know that sometimes I want to talk about it, but just need someone to ask first.  However, I do not ALWAYS want to talk about it.

In fact, I would just love to talk about anything else but that for awhile.  I want to feel “normal” again.  I want to help others with their troubles, instead of being seen as the “troubled” one.  I want to be seen as:

  • a teacher
  • a friend
  • a daughter
  • a wife

I know I will never be the same girl I was 5 years ago.  Infertility has changed me to the core, and I like to think it has changed me for the better.  But I am not defined by my infertility.  I am SO. MUCH. MORE.

So, if you have a friend who is going through infertility, certainly share your support and ask them about their journey every now and then, but also don’t forget the person behind the infertility.

Ask them about their day, their job, their family, their hobbies.  Because sometimes, we just want to forget the struggles.  Sometimes, we just want to remember who we used to be.  Sometimes, we just want to feel “normal.”  

Even if just for a second.


12 thoughts on “Can we talk about something else?

  1. My life long best friend struggled with infertility. We are SO close that I felt like I went through it too, although it was nothing compared to what she felt. She shared an article that changed the way I approach people about children etc. I am so glad she shared it with me because I was so hurtful without knowing it.
    I am praying for you on this journey, don’t give up!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, dear one. I am sorry that you have been buried in your openness. I feel this on some days, but there are still only a handful of my peers who have followed along with my journey.

    You are so right, you are more than your pain and more than your suffering and more than your struggles. I know the weight of it can be so heavy at times, but how strong you are to still be able to look and the mirror and recognize yourself.

    You are so much more.

    Liked by 1 person

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