I am a Christmas fanatic. I watch Christmas movies in July just to keep that warm fuzzy holiday feeling going. I have loved this time of year since I was a little girl.
But…the holidays are hard.
Infertility has tainted my view of the holidays. Each of my favorite traditions now has a slightly different feel to it:
Instead of hanging my stockings with glee by the fire, I ache for the stocking that is always missing.
While friends are posting pictures of their Baby’s 1st Christmas, I post pictures of my dog with a Santa hat.
I smile at every Christmas card I receive, but my heart breaks a little when I see how empty our own card is.
While children wait in line to sit on Santa’s lap, I wait in line for my turn to finally hold my own child in my lap.
My tree is filled with pretty, sparkling ornaments, but empty of handprint reindeer and thumbprint snowmen.
Sometimes I feel guilty admitting when my heart is hurting. Christmas is a time to focus on faith and family. I want to be a pillar of strength, singing my carols and sipping my hot cocoa with all the joy of Christmas.
But, God gave us emotions for a reason. They are meant to be felt, no matter the season.
So, surround yourself with the ones you love most, and treat yourself kindly this holiday season. You are not alone.
Happy holidays and hugs to you all!